Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
