Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
