YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
