i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
