idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
