Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
