i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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