that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
