my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
