that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
