I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
