i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ugly people sure do ruin things
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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