I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me I should be a condom model.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
