Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
