she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
