I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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