Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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