she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
