By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
