i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
