i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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