Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
