just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
