it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
