I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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