They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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