is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
sex in a hospital.. check
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
