you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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