$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
