so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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