A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
