are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
