After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
