I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
