yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
