i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
