Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
