someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
