my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
