While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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