im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
babies were throwing up all over the place
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In America we eat man semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
