Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
