this beer tastes like vomit already
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
