Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do herpes really smell.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Randomize
