come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
