I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
