I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
