How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She needs sedatives and a leash
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
try to milk me bitch
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
