I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
