feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
