is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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