I bet he comes in French.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
