hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
